Any Means Necessary

Ok, I love the Baby Jesus and everything, and happy birthday to him, but I simply am NOT in the mood for Christmas music this morning. It's playing here at Tribal Grounds Coffee. Where are my ear buds? There, Avenged Sevenfold and Hammerfall are a more appropriate choice at this moment.

My good friend TheDevil once told me that he believed that I enjoyed the madness and chaos of gambling myself out of money the day before the rent was due. I used to do that every month. And after he told me that, I began to think he was right. And I still do think that about back then. I believe the reason I started gambling in the first place was that I was searching for something in my life. I was lost and empty and I wasn't sure why, though now I think I know what it was I was missing. I also believe that by abusing gambling and subjecting myself to such misery and stress I was punishing myself. But things have changed since then.

I don't gamble anymore. Yes I play poker. But poker, for me at least, is a +EV proposition. Some of you may not believe that, but I now the truth. So why am I almost broke again? Yes, I'm almost broke. I'm not all the way broke, mind you, but my roll is circling the drain. So why then, if I'm a winning player, am I almost broke? I've been wondering the same thing. So I've explored the issue come up with some answers, and in so doing, I've come up with some solutions.

First off, the notion that I enjoy running myself to the brink of extinction just so I can work myself to death and get it together just before I reach the point of no return is just not true. It's not true anymore that is. I admit that it must have been true ten years ago when I was lost and gambling and I waited tables for income. But it's just not true anymore. If it were I'd go to the casino right this minute and slap what roll I have left down on the blackjack table, throw the objective of grinding out the window, and go for absolute broke. I haven't done that and I will not do that.

Next we'll get to the numbers. I keep accurate records of all my poker play. I don't record as many types of information as I should, such as hours at the table, but I keep track of every dollar that goes in and out. I don't keep records of life money, but I should do that too. The trouble with my records though is that I never look at them. I record my daily take and then the numbers just sit on a spreadsheet and are never studied or used for anything. But now that it's almost too late, I've calculated the numbers.

I first came to Cherokee on July 9th. I had $500 in my pocket and I sat down and upticked $136. The next day I made $44 and the next $307. I went on to make a win twelve days in a row and that's how this 20 week adventure began. 21 weeks have passed but I didn't play last week so these totals are for 20 weeks. It has been 5 months and the positve column in my spreadsheet adds up to $18,269. The column for losing days comes to a total of -$7655 which brings my grand total to $10,614. This number divided by 20 weeks gives me an average weekly profit of $530. As a side note, keep in mind that I NEVER bought in for more than $100 to start a session. In the beginning I wasn't getting as many free hotels though, and I also travled to Tunica once and West Virginia twice where I incurred hotel expenses. I have that under control now but the total spent on poker related hotels was $1924.38, mostly in the first few weeks. If we take that out of my profit we're left with a net of $8689.62, or a weekly average of $434.48.

So, if I'm bringing in money, why am I almost broke? If a guy budgeted his money properly, he could live on $434 a week. But I've never used a budget in my life. I know I need to, but I haven't done it. If a guy budgeted his time wisely, he could make more than $434 per week. I've never done that well either. So here is the problem. I spent more than $434 per week, and truth be told, I didn't play enough hours. Out of 140 days in those 20 weeks, I played only 97 days. Now that is almost 5 days a week, But I may have averaged 5 hours a day which means I only worked 24.25 hours per week. I try to not play when I'm stressed or mad or worried or hungry or whatever. In the name of bankroll preservation, I just don't play sometimes. Playing poker affords me the opportunity to work when I want, but frankly I can get quite lazy. But come on, 24 hours per week? What the fuck have I been doing? I should be putting in no less than 50 hours per week. If I did that, and even if my hourly went down and my take didn't precisely double, I'd bet I would have made an additional $300 per week. I may not have managed that $300 well, but that would have been an additional $6000 on my bottom line and even if I didn't have all of that right now, I certainly wouldn't be circling the drain as we speak.

So here's the thing. When I opened the spreadsheet, I was affraid to run the numbers because I was affraid I was gonna find out that I'm not the winning player that I believed I was. I just couldn't explain how I could be winning but be broke. But after I totalled it all out I was excited by my finding. I've often worried about whether there is even any money to be made in No Limit Hold 'em. Mike Matusow, a guy whose thoughts and opinons on the game of poker I greatly respect, has stated on many occasions that everybody knows how to play Hold 'em these days and there's no money to be made. With that statement I now have to disagree. I've been making consistent money at 1-2 NLH. I may be bad at managing time and life money, but my eyes are newly opened to a few key facts. I am not giving up. I am good at reading people, especially these moutain hicks in Cherokee, and I have what it takes to bring in the cash.

So what now? I know what I need to do. I know I need to work on self discipline. I need to spend less than I bring in at any cost. I need to keep track of the money I spend on food, gas, coffee and every damned thing else a guy on the road has to pay for. There are certain things I won't give up, I just need to get my ass into the poker room and stay my ass there for longer hours. I don't even have the money to play at the casino now, but I do have $350 on Full Tilt. My job for time being is to run that money up and cash out a stake for Cherokee. I have been working diligently on my HU SNG game and when I'm calm and I play slowly and deliberately, I crush the $11-$33 levels. I have a problem with hyperactivity and it comes out at its worst when I'm playing fast paced games. To combat this, I have the words "Slow" and "Deliberate" written on the desktop right next to the Full Tilt table. Good luck me.

If this doesn't work, and I go completely broke, God only knows what I'll do then. I don't know where I'd get a stake. This is about survival now. Please, wish me luck.

Kill by any means necessary
Win by any means necessary
Live by any means necessary
Die by any means necessary