Time to Focus

I keep telling myself to post more regularly, but then I realize it's been twelve days since the last post. I suppose that I still don't know why anyone would give a shit about what I have to say or about my life story. I guess when I was in Vegas the story was a bit more interesting, but now I'm living in hotels in Cherokee, NC. How the hell did I get here? I think it's for a great reason but only time will tell.

Time... There's a concept I'm having more and more trouble with as it passes. I've already been in this situation way longer than I had anticipated. Time that I'll never get back is burning rapidly, much more rapidly than even I realize. Before January I was already feeling the heat of the passing of my life. And as I continue to tumble through this unlikely story, it's getting harder and harder to hold on.

The poker situation has been exceptionally volitile over the past couple of weeks. I took quite a dip, and now I'm clawing my way back. It is NEVER easy. I wish it could be easy for a month or so, but that's just doesn't seem to be in the cards. I'd really hoped to spend most of December in Vegas because I just can't bear the thought of being here. It's gonna be the toughest holiday season of my life. If I survive it will be a miracle. All it would take is one quick jerk of the steering wheel while speeding along I-40 and all my troubles would be over. Just kidding.

My turbulent life makes playing poker for a living overly difficult, but I was pretty focused this past week. Focus has always been the weakest aspect of my game but when I have a hold on it I see beyond the realm of the obvious and pick up things that others never see. I truely feel as though I can see right into the minds of my opponents. It's weird really, I only wish I could harness this ability all the time because I almost always have a winning session when I feel that way. Thursday was a good example.

I don't remember much about thursday's second session expect for one hand I'm particularly proud of. I limped with AQ from early position and six players saw the Q high, two diamond flop. The action checked to me and I bet $10. The small blind called and all else folded. The turn brought a blank and he checked. I bet $20, he called. The pot was $67 when the river brought the third diamond to the board. The guy wasted no time leading out for $50. At first glance, it appeared that he was drawing to and hit the flush, but I wasn't in a hurry to do anything. The obvious details circled my mind, such as the fact that he'd led, and for an amount that seemed high to me. After about 15 of my 45 seconds had ticked off the clock, I pressed the "call" button, but I didn't press the "confirm" button. See, every action must be "confimed" before it is locked in. So I sat there looking at the guy as my final 30 seconds were ticking and he did something that I could have only seen in my most focused state. He moved his right hand, the hand he used to press the buttons, and held it over the screen where the "call" button would appear had I raised him. I peeked right into the guys mind and saw exactly what he was thinking. See, he thought I was considering raising and he was ever so slightly trying to make it look like he was going to call if I did. About 4 seconds after he made that move with his hand I snapped the "confirm" button and he pointed at me in indication that I had the best hand. Our cards turned face up and he had A8 with which he had flopped second pair and a backdoor flush draw. This guy stayed on no less than three flops with a 25-1 backdoor draw within an hour. I felt very proud of that call. It didn't hurt my process that I've made the exact same move, though in competely different situations, such as to try to look like I'm gonna bet to try to get a free card. It probably works against some, but not against me.

So I had a decent week, upticking about $1000. It really is too bad that I had such a bad week or two just prior to this week. Otherwise I'd be in a much more comfortable spot. As it currently stands, I am not comfortable. If I could pad my roll with about $2000 more, I'd be able to relax just a little. I am trying to stay focused as well as motivated. I'll get there, I just wish I could get there in time to spend at least the last half of December far, far away from here. The desert is calling.